


Palingenesis

by Laurasauras



Series: Evanescent Idolatry [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coping, Developing Relationship, Earth C (Homestuck), Family Bonding, First Time, M/M, Making Up, Ominous Foreshadowing, POV Third Person Omniscient, Partying, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, The Homestuck Epilogues, Underage Drinking, philosophical conversation, pretentious conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: After the battles, a family meets as a unit for the first time, the universe is born, and the gods travel to the future.This series looks at every intervening year between Homestuck and The Homestuck Epilogues and will update weekly.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider, background rose lalonde/kanaya maryam
Series: Evanescent Idolatry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701070
Comments: 16
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter covers events as they happened in Act 7 and the first few snapchats with very little speculation. 
> 
> Thank you so much to my betas, [caledfwlchthat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caledfwlchthat/) and [AllDaveKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllDaveKat/) for their immeasurable help with this. Your support and enthusiasm is priceless!

At what should be, were fortune even remotely kind, the _end_ of a very long day, Dirk is on the victory platform rocking back and forth on pigeon-toed feet, face flushed with the blood of a thousand timid bishies. One tentative hand is held behind his head like a flustered asshole from an Asian cartoon, and while no oversized bead of sweat overlaps ludicrously with his visage, it’s a close thing, only denied by the laws of reality.

DIRK: Jake, I—

Jake clasps his hands together and points two fingers outwards in a gesture Dirk is familiar with. It’s a signal that means, _here’s the thing._

JAKE: Dirk heres the thing.

Dirk smiles sadly and lets his hand fall to his side.

JAKE: I respect your autonomy and your choices and i wish id had even an iota of your self control during the trickster malarky but i dont want for us to be broken up!

Jake’s words come out very quickly. Dirk’s mouth falls open, but he fails to speak, so Jake continues, still speaking like he has to get all his words out in one breath.

JAKE: You *died* dirk!   
JAKE: And i know i had the weenie battle but i was scared even of those rowdy rapscallions and i think i probably should have carked it but they werent  
JAKE: They werent as good as that consarned brobot you made for me.  
JAKE: And all i could think was that i had fucked everything up and please forgive me because the best thing ive ever been is your boyfriend!

There are a lot of people around, so Dirk doesn’t kiss Jake like a movie character would have, like Jake probably wants and deserves. Instead he swallows the lump in his throat and steps very slightly closer.

DIRK: Jake, I still want to be with you.  
DIRK: I wasn’t thinking, and it was all my fault anyway. I wanted so bad to just—

Dirk looks around the platform. There are more people in this small space than he’s ever seen in his life. It’s not the time.

DIRK: We won.

He can’t quite believe it, and the words rasp against the disbelief in his throat.

DIRK: We won and we both want this to be okay. Let’s just be happy, right?

Jake sets his hand on his hip and smiles with all the sunshine of his stupid, hopeful heart. 

JAKE: To be continued mister!  
JAKE: But yes! Happy i can do.

They wrap it up just in time. They manage a couple of seconds of mutual smiling, their silent communication saying more for their feelings than their clumsy words had, before Roxy’s mom taps Jake on the shoulder.

ROSE: Hi.  
JAKE: Howdy!

Dirk waves, smiling at Rose. She waves back. They have very similar smiles, Jake notices. Restrained. But maybe that means they’ll both understand that their smiles are significant.

ROSE: I’m Rose, this is my... Kanaya.  
KANAYA: Hello  
DIRK: I’m Dirk, this is Jake. My Jake.

Jake grins and steps a bit closer to Dirk, seemingly to open up the space to make it easier to talk. He does so again when Dave and his troll join them, and his hand brushes the back of Dirk’s for a fraction of a second. 

DAVE: hey bro  
DAVE: this is karkat  
DAVE: i uh  
DAVE: i think i mentioned him at some point but i cant really remember because we sure did talk a lot of shit huh  
DIRK: His name came up briefly. Hi.  
ROSE: Karkat’s name comes up in every conversation Dave has.  
KARKAT: SO DOES THE MAYOR’S, TO BE FAIR. THAT’S WHAT COUNTS AS A “SOCIAL CIRCLE” IN THESE PARTS.  
JAKE: Ay caramba loud voice!

The group looks at Jake, waiting for him to apologise for saying “ay caramba”. When he fails to, the group looks at Dirk. Unfortunately, Dirk is too in love with Jake to take issue with anything he says. This is also _fortunate,_ because if he wasn’t the relationship would have been shot down before the wheels were even up, before they even got a chance to weather some turbulence.

DIRK: Yeah, he did also mention the Mayor.  
DAVE: yeah the mayor is great

There’s a moment of somewhat awkward silence. Then,

JOHN: hi guys!  
JAKE: (Jiminy.)  
DIRK: (Take a breather, dude. Go see Roxy.)  
JAKE: (Im fine!)  
DIRK: (Jake.)

Jake smiles apologetically and touches the small of Dirk’s back before he escapes the crowd that’s clearly too much for him. Dirk watches him for a moment before turning back to his—wow, this is his family. 

ROSE: I’ve been looking forward to meeting you, Dirk.  
DIRK: Really?  
ROSE: Well, all of you.  
ROSE: I see now where I got my cheekbones, many thanks.  
DIRK: ...  
JOHN: i also wanted to meet you!  
JOHN: dave sprite said you were really cool, but i thought probably he just had bad taste.  
JOHN: but i couldn’t know for sure, and also the only time i spoke to any version of you was like, a real bummer.   
DIRK: ...  
DAVE: god ive missed you egbert

John punches Dave in the arm. Dave punches him back and jabs him in the ribs for good measure. 

TEREZI: YOU TWO 4R3 N4US34T1NGLY CUT3 >:)  
JOHN: shut up, you wouldn’t know cute if it bit you on the butt!  
DAVE: so bro did you meet kanaya yet  
DAVE: shes probably the coolest of my friends so thats priority number one  
KANAYA: I Take Issue With The Word Probably In That Sentence  
DIRK: Rose introduced her, but I don’t think that quite constitutes meeting.  
DAVE: given the superficial similarity thing we established i think you probably have some shit in common  
DAVE: she sews sometimes and also thinks most problems can be solved with a weapon  
KANAYA: Your Fashion Choices For The Final Battle Are Quite Bold  
DIRK: You should see it with the tiara.  
KANAYA: I Dont Know How Many Times Ive Told Dave About The Importance Of Accessories  
DAVE: yeah man its been at least four times

It’s overwhelming, but in a good way. Dirk can’t seem to stop smiling. It’d be embarrassing if it wasn’t for the fact that everyone else is in the same position. They _survived._

DAVE: whoa dude

Dave reaches out and grabs John’s arm before pointing behind him. John turns and his mouth falls open. Dirk looks and sees Jane’s dad.

John floats towards him without seeming to notice. Jane’s dad is the one to close the distance, sweeping John into a big bear hug. 

Dirk doesn’t have the context to know exactly what’s going on there, but it’s just the perfect punctuation to what has been an emotional, but deeply good reunion. It’s the kind of hug that Hollywood wishes it could end its movies on, a gesture of love and support so honest that even a stone cold motherfucker like Dirk can’t help but feel it. 

He’s not alone, either. Everyone is genuinely affected. They’ve all moved closer together and Dirk feels that thing from earlier again. This is his _family._ They’ve won and they have an honest-to-god shot at peace. 

Dirk isn’t sure who looks first, but somehow everyone ends up looking at the house. It’s monolithic. And there’s no obvious thing to _do_ with it. Dirk wonders if they’re about to learn how to use tools. 

John and Karkat make their way to the front, which makes sense in a way that makes Dirk sure it’s Sburb related. 

And then Dirk isn’t thinking much of anything because there aren’t words to describe the experience of watching a universe be born. The frog iconography finally makes sense. He could see himself worshipping this.

The second the universe frog finishes his first divine croak, a brightness draws all attention back to the house and the doorway that is being carved into it by light. John gives Karkat a thumbs up as if this is an expected and welcome event. Karkat shrugs in a way that actually manages to convey ambivalence in the presence of their palingenesis.

Jade steps forward, an orb floating above her hand.

JOHN: okay.  
JOHN: everyone ready?

They better be, because he turns back to the door without waiting for an answer. He reaches slowly, carefully, for the door handle. His touch is all it needs. 

One moment they’re standing on a platform, the next … Well, they’re still standing on the platform. But it’s like everything about them was turned inside out. The frog isn’t there. No, that’s not true. The frog is everywhere and it’s tangible, the way that they can all _feel_ their frog’s presence. They’re inside their universe.

JADE: okay!  
JADE: time for some magic!!! :D

Jade grins at everyone and for a moment her tongue sticks out in concentration the same way Jake’s does. Then she frowns seriously and the orb she was holding flies away from the platform and out of sight. She brackets a rectangle with her fingers and very slowly expands them. Earth grows with her movements.

DAVE: is this it  
DAVE: we just hop on earth?  
JADE: basically!  
JADE: the platform has emerged at a great place  
JADE: we are right in the goldilocks zone of that star!  
JADE: i hope that flying down to the planet works out okay  
JADE: itd be pretty rude of skaia to make it so that non god tiers couldnt survive without an atmosphere you know?  
KARKAT: THANKS, JADE.  
KARKAT: YOU’RE ENDLESSLY REASSURING.  
JADE: how about you shut the fuck up unless you have another suggestion :)

Kanaya puts her arm over Rose’s shoulders and Rose puts hers around Kanaya’s waist. Rose floats a foot off the platform expectantly, and everyone else starts to get their shit together. Roxy takes Callie in the same fashion, Jade takes Terezi and Jane takes her dad. Dave and Karkat exchange a few words before copying. The resolution there seemed to be “do you have a better option than me?” Given Karkat’s expression, which is incredibly easy to interpret even for a boy who didn’t meet another human until he was 16, Dirk suspects Karkat’s okay with Dave carrying him. 

When they get down to Earth, which Dirk hears is being called Earthsea, presumably in memory of all the flooding that Jade’s done something about, they find the carapacians already at work. Roxy sniffles and bumps shoulders with him. 

ROXY: theyre just so fuckin cute!  
DIRK: Yeah, I guess.  
ROXY: omfg dont b a sourpuss  
DIRK: I’m not, I just don’t go around calling folk cute, you know, as general practice.   
ROXY: now yr the cute one lmao

Roxy literally pinches Dirk’s cheek. He swats her hands away, but she’s pretty persistent and he can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it, which was of course her goal. Jane’s dad has immersed himself in one of the carapacians’ building plans.

KARKAT: WHAT NOW?  
KANAYA: Isnt It Obvious?  
KANAYA: We Repopulate

Dirk, who had just started to inch back around to where Jake is, abruptly stops in his tracks.

ROSE: Through ectobiology.  
ROSE: We have the requisite technology on the meteor we crash-landed into this planet.  
KARKAT: I’M STILL REALLY CONFUSED AS TO WHAT HAPPENED THERE.  
ROSE: It’s not that complicated, Karkat.  
ROSE: When we approached this session, on a meteor, a portal opened up and transported us into the past where we became one of many meteors to crash into the planet during the Reckoning.   
ROSE: Once we crashed, Vriska captchalogued the planet and later made sure that Jade got it. I assume the carapacians are your doing, Jade?  
JADE: yup!  
JADE: i had a lot who needed somewhere safe to go, since our battleground got used to birth a universe  
JOHN: okay, i guess that’s interesting.  
JOHN: can we go do the thing now?

They go do the thing. Specifically, they go to the meteor that half the gang travelled on for three years. It’s slow going for a bit there, because the meteor is fucking enormous, and every now and then there’s something notable to show off. Dirk recognises his bro’s handiwork in the shape of penis hopscotch and walks past as if it’s no big deal in an effort to at least have the appearance of cool ( _the_ Dave Strider drew that dick). Rose shows where a lost shoe marks the place she and Kanaya first kissed and Jake hugs Dirk’s arm in excitement. Dirk pats his hand awkwardly, but gets it. Jake’s a sucker for cinematic romance.

_Finally,_ they arrive in the labs. John takes point, his hands moving confidently over the controls. Dirk stares as a man of his exact height is made out of green goo and then collapses into shapelessness on the platform. He did not expect to ever be a parent. Though he supposes he always was, in a way.

It’s even more alarming when babies start appearing. Humans, trolls and carapacians; so goddamn many of them. John seems to be in his element, laughing and holding a toddler up on his hip as he conjures even more. Karkat has felt completely unprepared from the moment the goo started appearing until his arms end up completely full of assorted babies, even though Rose tells everyone that Karkat was responsible for this part of his session. The babies end up all over him of his own volition, no matter his protesting of being overwhelmed. Jade hands Jake a wiggler and Jake smiles nervously, holding them so carefully. His nervousness seems to get worse when the wiggler makes a happy chirr. 

Looking back, none of them can ever quite explain how they got the babies out of the meteor and into the transport units the carapacians had. When the subject is brought up, it’s more interesting to reminisce about how that baby had looked like a blonde Jade, or how no one had ever seen someone as covered in wigglers as Kanaya still looking as cool as anything. 

And then they travel to their new home, 5000 years away, leaving the Earth in the capable hands of the Mayor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and Jake formally get back together. The winners have an amount of peace and recovery, but it can’t last forever. Their arrival was foretold and they have an obligation to their world.

Two weeks after the battle, Dirk and Jake are alone in a room for the first time since they won. Surprisingly, it’s not actually because either have been avoiding the other. Neither of them has been alone with anyone; everyone is kind of clinging together. The codependence won’t last, Rose and Kanaya in particular are starting to look at finding their own place, but for now it’s working.

Dirk looks at Jake, then at the corner of the hotel bed Jake’s been sleeping in. He licks his dry lips and makes an effort to not come over all anime again like he did on the victory platform. Things have been good, if carefully distant because of the constant company.

JAKE: I made a right pigs ear of our relationship because i couldnt just be a man and talk to you.  
DIRK: No, I smothered you.  
DIRK: And I wasn’t exactly forthcoming with how your distance made me feel.  
DIRK: Or any of my feelings, for that matter.  
JAKE: Only because i scampered away like a little rabbit whenever things got serious!  
DIRK: Can we just agree that we were both acting like

Dirk sighs, knowing that what they were acting like was the most inexcusable state of being in the world and also completely unavoidable.

DIRK: Teenagers.

Jake laughs, just the once. He nods and stares at the floor. 

JAKE: Im afraid that state hasn’t quite worn off yet.  
DIRK: Yeah, I’d diagnose us with a couple more years of this.   
JAKE: I dont want to just sit around with our thumbs up our chocolate factories for the next four years on the off chance that we achieve growing up spontaneously upon our 20th birthdays.  
DIRK: Let’s not rule out ass-play as we attempt to resolve the problems with our relationship.

They make eye contact, and the serious mood of their reconciliation is shattered.

JAKE: Heh.  
JAKE: Hahaha  
DIRK: Pff.  
JAKE: Haha!  
DIRK: Ha! No, we’re, haha,  
DIRK: We’re being reasonable hahaha.  
JAKE: Hahahaha!  
DIRK: Hahaha  
JAKE: Ha

Jake’s eyes are happy, and Dirk wants to hold onto that as long as possible. It’s precious and fragile. And, while he might suck at downtime, Dirk knows what Jake wants in moments of drama.

Dirk closes the distance between them and wraps an arm around Jake’s shoulders, his other hand holding Jake’s hip steady. Jake practically swoons, his weight settling into Dirk’s arms as he stares up at him with perfect green eyes. Dirk strokes Jake’s hair back, even though it’s not really out of place. And then he cups Jake’s cheek and keeps him steady as he kisses him, the cinematic value of the position making it feel just a bit awkward. Dirk resolves to learn how to dip him more smoothly.

Jake’s hands reach for Dirk’s waist and hold him so gently. Touching just to touch because he wants to be close right now. Dirk very carefully does not ruin it. 

It possibly could go further than this, even though they have unsteady privacy and more baggage than a Boeing 747, but Dirk pulls back. He picks up one of Jake’s hands from his waist and brings it to his lips before easing him back to hold his weight on his own feet.

JAKE: Is everything solved? Just like that?  
JAKE: I *want* it to be, but i know things arent that simple.  
DIRK: This is true love, Jake. You think this happens every day?  
DIRK: It’s not simple at all, it’s fucking insane.  
DIRK: But even if I knew that next week you’d break my heart, I’d thank you for every day before then.  
JAKE: Dirk... 

Dirk can feel more words, whole scripts of flowery dialogue that would bury Jake alive, lurking in his brain and demanding to be unleashed. He holds them back. He’s said so much more than enough. They hold each other for a while instead. And then they make their way back into the vast lounge room that makes up at least half of the space in the penthouse suite they’re staying in “until everything settles”.

Dirk sits next to Jane, who is channel surfing like a pro. Jake, who up until now has been careful not to favour Dirk any more than anyone else, sits next to him and puts his arm on the back of the couch, where it would be around him if Dirk leaned back. It makes Dirk’s heart do something giddy.

JANE: Did you know that this world went through three distinct phases of noir filmographic trends?  
DIRK: Three?  
JANE: Well, they retrieved some of our filmic traditions. Amongst them, the classic movies that Dad and John’s dad were so fond of.  
JAKE: Those movies were doozies janey! Real headscratchers the lot of them and the twists! The dames! The bleak reminders that everything ends even life.   
JAKE: Excellent recommendations every one of them.  
JAKE: Mr crocker has some fine taste.

Jake whistles lowly in admiration. Jane and Dirk exchange fond looks. Being able to wordlessly communicate is one of the things Dirk has most enjoyed about entering the game. He likes words a lot, but there’s something so intimate at smiling very subtly at someone and both of them understanding what that means. 

JANE: So, the first movement was called “noir homage” and it was basically reproducing the same trend.  
JANE: Which Dad finds fascinating, because there’s never been a world war on Earth C and film noir developed on our world in response to a very specific global angst.   
DIRK: Damn, Jane. Talk dirty to us some more.  
JANE: Oh shoosh. 

Jane blushes even as she waves a careless hand. Dirk fights back another smile.

JANE: Without this conflict, the homage phase was moderately short-lived, though of course every now and then a filmmaker would dabble in the genre as they did on our world after cinematic movements had passed.   
JAKE: Its chinatown jack!  
JANE: Yes, precisely.   
JANE: Actually, yes, I couldn’t think of a better example, well done, Jake.

Jake beams and nudges Dirk’s knee with his own. Dirk makes a mental note to praise Jake more.

JANE: And with just as many unasked for sequels.  
JANE: I’m more interested in the phase that came after, post-noir, where artist railed against false pessimism and made detective stories where everything was a triumph.  
DIRK: I have to see that.  
JANE: That was my reaction. I’ve found one with good reviews to watch after dinner.  
JAKE: I love movie nights so much.  
DIRK: Dude, every night has been a movie night so far.  
JAKE: Maybe ive loved every night dirk! We cant all be cool pussies.  
JANE: D’aw.  
DIRK: Please talk more about cinematic trends and stop looking at us like we’re a couple of puppies trying to wrestle when they’ve barely got the hang of walking.  
JANE: D’aw!!  
DIRK: Damn, made my simile too cute.   
JANE: Okay, okay.  
JANE: So after post-noir came neo-noir. Now, this has been a remarkably peaceful planet, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who has noticed that it’s hardly a utopia.  
JAKE: Ill say!  
JAKE: They dont have cherry coke.

Jake pouts and Dirk claps him reassuringly on the knee. And then leaves his hand there, just to see if he’ll shift away. Jake’s free hand lands on Dirk’s and squeezes it, doing the opposite. Keeping him there.

JANE: I’m still brushing up on my history, but there was a time of conflict. Suddenly, they could understand why our creatives might have thought the world was rotten.  
ROXY: omg is it janes story time  
ROXY: u started without me  
ROXY: how dare!

Roxy sits herself on the floor despite the abundance of available chairs and leans her forearms on Jane’s lap, staring up at her with full attention. Dirk resists the urge to reach over and scritch her on the head, even if she’d probably love that. She’s so effortlessly physical in her affections.

JANE: I told you this already, silly.  
ROXY: ya but i like the cute voice u get when yr in storytelling mode  
ROXY: idk were callie is or id tell her to get in on it 2 she totes agrees  
JANE: For someone who says she wants to hear my story, you sure are interrupting!  
ROXY: lol soz babes  
JANE: The interesting thing is that neo-noir is a primarily *carapacian* artform.  
DIRK: You’re shitting me.  
JANE: I most certainly am not!  
ROXY: lil chess guys rly be out there  
ROXY: makin subversive cinema

Roxy pretends to wipe a tear of pride away from her eye and sniffs dramatically. Dirk watches Jane’s expression and wonders if he could even tell the difference between the clear love she shows for all of them and what she’d look like if it were something more. He caught her looking at Jake sometimes when they first entered the game, but it wasn’t with love, it was hurt. He’s glad that’s over now.

Jane pulls up the trailer for the movie she’s found and Roxy tells them all about the park that she and Callie found on their most recent expedition outside. It’s almost normal, until John and Dave come back with Jane’s dad and call a family meeting with not nearly enough irony to alleviate the specific anxiety that comes from anyone saying “we need to talk”.

They all end up around the long dining room table, baked goods at appropriate intervals so that everyone can reach and Jane’s dad fixing concerned looks at anyone with an empty plate.

DAVE: so heres whats up  
DAVE: the world expects us to rule over them  
ROSE: That’s succinct.  
DAVE: you know i could talk around it for an hour but i thought just this once i would dispense with the fuckin bullshit

Jane’s dad coughs idly.

DAVE: i thought i would get to the point

Dave’s ears are red, probably more out of embarrassment that he so readily humours Jane’s dad than out of shame for swearing. Jane’s dad is an honest-to-god treasure, keeping them all fed and making decisions like where to stay. Many of the group have _never_ had an adult to take the pressure off.

JOHN: dave’s being a drama queen.  
JOHN: we don’t have to, like, RULE over them.   
JOHN: they just want to inaubergine us.  
DAD: INAUGURATE.  
KANAYA: Is There Any Particular Reason That They Would Think We Are Capable Of Being Role Models  
JOHN: we kinda made the universe kanaya.

That sentence settles like a heavy blanket of obligation onto the table. A muscle in Dirk’s jaw is jumping. Jade is wide-eyed. Terezi looks delighted. Normal reactions to stress, really.

DAVE: they want us as figureheads is the point  
DAVE: theyve set up these ceremonies for a couple weeks from now  
DAVE: the thing thats fuckin—  
DAVE: thats pretty alarming  
DAVE: is that this isnt a unified world  
DIRK: There’s political tensions.  
DAVE: nah its not as dramatic as that  
DAVE: you didnt know the mayor but basically if he could put a can in a colour-coded square he did that  
DAVE: i dont think it goes any deeper than that based on me googling “is racism a thing on earth c”  
DIRK: Solid research.

Dirk holds his fist across the table and Dave bumps it. Dirk, by all appearances, is satisfied with this result. But everyone who knows him or has been raised by a version of him knows that he will absolutely not drop this.

JOHN: the point is that the guy who caught up with us asked us to divide into four segments so that everyone is represented.   
DAD: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SEPARATE BECAUSE OF THIS.  
JOHN: we kinda do though.  
DAD: THERE’S NO REASON THAT YOU CANNOT COME BACK HERE AFTER THE CEREMONIES.  
JOHN: the reason is that they want us to live our lives on earth c and show that we’re actual citizens, not about to ditch them again!  
DAD: IF THEY RESPECT YOU ENOUGH TO LOOK TO YOUR EXAMPLE, THEY WILL RESPECT YOU TO MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS.  
ROSE: We weren’t going to live in this hotel forever.   
ROSE: Perhaps it’s better if we separate in unison.   
ROSE: I understand that you’re likely concerned for our lack of guardianship, Mr Crocker.   
ROSE: But most of the party never had parents to begin with and the one least used to independence still lived without adult supervision for over five months.   
JANE: And I’d like to still live with you, Dad.  
ROSE: So it becomes a matter of how we divide and to where.   
KARKAT: NOT TO BE OBVIOUS, BUT I’D ACTUALLY LIKE TO LIVE IN THE TROLL KINGDOM.  
KARKAT: THE TROLLS HERE MIGHT NOT HAVE GROWN UP ON ALTERNIA, BUT THE WAY ALL THE CARAPACIANS WAVE TO YOU AS YOU WALK DOWN THE TRAVEL-WAY IS UNNERVING.  
KANAYA: If Im To Raise The Mother Grub I Should Also Go To The Troll Kingdom  
ROSE: Which means I will be joining you.  
DAVE: same  
DAVE: but like with karkat obviously not you guys  
DAVE: unless were all together but um  
DAVE: yeah  
TEREZI: 1 4LSO W1LL GO TO TROLL K1NGDOM  
DIRK: I think I speak for everyone when I say that this is completely unexpected and unacceptable.

The team disregards Dirk’s sarcasm entirely, but it does have the effect of slightly lightening the mood.

TEREZI: 1 WONT ST4Y FOR LONG  
TEREZI: JUST LONG 3NOUGH TO G3T YOU LOS3RS S3TTL3D 1N  
JOHN: what? why?  
TEREZI: YOUR 4L4RM 1S BOTH D3L1C1OUS 4ND 3MB4RR4S1NG  
JOHN: your face...   
JOHN: it’s not delicious but it’s definitely...  
ROSE: Perhaps gracefully admit your defeat on that one, John.  
TEREZI: VR1SK4 1S OUT TH3R3 SOM3WH3R3 B31NG 4N 1D1OT  
TEREZI: 1 D1DNT TR1CK SOM3 LOS3R 1NTO BR1NG1NG H3R B4CK JUST TO LOS3 H3R >:]  
ROXY: aw u guys r cute  
ROXY: wat r u even gonna do?  
ROXY: how will u find her?  
TEREZI: 1V3 B33N R3L14BLY 1NFORM3D TH4T TH3 B3ST COURS3 OF 4CT1ON 1S N34RLY 4LW4YS TO FLY UP 4W4Y TO TH3 SUN L1K3 4 FUCK1NG P13C3 OF G4RB4G3  
JADE: davesprite was always suggesting that  
JADE: like maybe sometimes it wasnt the answer you know?  
JOHN: it was seriously all the time.   
DAVE: ha classic  
TEREZI: BUT S3R1OUSLY 1M JUST GO1NG TO T4K3 MY ROCK3T W1NGS 4ND LOOK FOR H3R  
TEREZI: L3TS NOT FORG3T 1M PR3TTY R3SOURC3FUL  
TEREZI: 4ND SH3 WOULD B3 LUCKY TO RUN 1NTO ME >:]  
KARKAT: NO KIDDING.  
KARKAT: I’VE NEVER SUCCESSFULLY TALKED YOU INTO OR OUT OF ANYTHING YOU WERE SURE OF, SO I’M ASSUMING THAT’S THE CASE THIS TIME.  
TEREZI: YOU WOULD B3 CORR3CT  
KARKAT: I’M STILL GOING TO BITCH ABOUT IT A LOT.  
TEREZI: 1 LOOK FORW4RD TO YOUR R1D1CULOUS B1TCH1NG

After an appropriate pause, Roxy brings the topic back to business. 

ROXY: tbh idk if id be comfy outside the carapace kingdom  
ROXY: and no offence but none of yall have the mad connex i do w them  
CALLIOPE: i woUld like to join yoU, if that’s okay.  
ROXY: i would literally love that!  
CALLIOPE: ^u^

Rose chews on her lip and drums her fingers on the table. The small gesture looks overstated in a room full of people who are barely moving.

ROSE: Kanaya, I know this is a big ask...  
ROSE: But would you mind terribly, at least at first, if we stayed in Carapace Kingdom with Roxy and Callie?  
ROXY: bby no u dont have to follow me  
ROXY: ill come over evry day u wont even kno i live somewere else  
ROSE: It’s not just that.  
DAVE: ok  
ROSE: Shut up.  
ROSE: Troll Kingdom is looking full, and I’m concerned that putting all the trolls in that kingdom will send a message. As if the troll creators are not equally invested in the other species, and vice versa.  
DAVE: that actually makes sense  
ROSE: Thank you.  
DAVE: but you def still got mommy issues  
ROSE: You do _not_ want me to bring up your track record when it comes to mommy issues, Strider.

Jane coughs delicately and the sibling ruckus ceases immediately.

JANE: I grew up with humans.  
JANE: I think I would like to have human neighbours again.  
DAD: I WOULD APPRECIATE THIS AS WELL.  
DAD: THOUGH MY CARAPACIAN CAPTORS WERE VERY WELL-MANNERED.  
DAD: AND SURPRISINGLY RECEPTIVE TO SARTORIAL ADVICE.  
DAD: THE GENTLEMAN RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CARETAKING ESPECIALLY SO.

The group is silent as they collectively wonder if they should be reading anything more into that. John decides they should not, and starts talking.

JOHN: i guess i’ll go with you guys.   
JOHN: nanna?  
NANNASPRITE: I would very much like to get to know you, dearie.  
NANNASPRITE: My only concern is Jade.  
JADE: ive been stuck in one place for a really really long time  
JADE: maybe in a little bit ill want to put down roots  
JADE: but for now id like to spend a bit of time with everyone!!  
JADE: ive missed my friends so much i couldnt choose just one kingdom :)

Roxy reaches out and holds Jade’s hand. Jade beams and it practically lights up the room.

DIRK: Guess that leaves us with the consorts.  
ROSE: This doesn’t have to be our final arrangement.  
DIRK: Believe me when I say that this is absolutely the correct level of responsibility to be giving me and English.  
JANE: (English and I.)  
DIRK: Like if we can have the society with the least amount of maintenance possibly required, that suits us fine.  
JAKE: And living with those beasties would be an awfully great adventure!  
DIRK: Jake’s been itchin’ to beat the shit out of a turtle since we got here.

They all look around the room at each other. Gcatavrosprite makes an honest effort to ask where he will be going, but no one makes eye contact with him when he’s looking at them so he stays politely quiet and resolves to ask Jake later, who is the obvious authority in the room in his mind.

DAD: I INSIST THAT YOU ALL COME TO OUR HOME FOR SUNDAY DINNER. EVERY WEEK.   
DAD: CHILDREN REQUIRE STABILITY. 

Callie claps her hands excitedly and starts to ask about human etiquette, something that charms Mr Crocker excessively. The group breaks off into smaller conversations and eventually disperses naturally. Dirk feels antsy about the separation, impatient and wary all at once, but having a plan and something to do has him feeling almost euphoric. They couldn’t have stayed here forever, and he’s had enough of limbo.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang parties to celebrate their godhood and Dirk and Jake settle into life on Earth C.

The Consort Kingdom probably throws the wildest parties. One might even say, it’s a kingdom of _party animals._

Jake makes this joke to Jade at the top of his lungs at one such Consort Kingdom party and she laughs so hard that she unbalances in her heels and Jake has to catch her to stop her from falling ass-backwards onto the floor. Luckily, he reaches her arms in time and she falls tits-forwards instead, landing on Jake’s chest, which makes both of them topple. This makes them laugh even more. It’s possible that the two of them might be disregarding Mr Crocker’s advice about resisting the temptation of alcohol.

JADE: jaaaake!!!  
JADE: get up!  
JADE: a turtle just climbed over my legs  
JAKE: Youre the one who has to get up first!  
JADE: oh

Jade collapses into giggles again and then pushes herself up. She overshoots the strength required and floats into the air. The consorts go wild, as they tend to do when they see any evidence of the kids’ godhood. Jade’s hair floats crazily around her head, which doesn’t happen to any of the others when they fly. Jade seems more to forget to use gravity than fly, given the way her clothes and hair behave. 

JADE: get up lazy bones!!!!!  
JAKE: I know youre a right floorflusher jade and i very much admire that about you,  
JAKE: But im as tight as a boiled owl and im fucking shagged.  
JAKE: Ill sit this one out you go ahead.  
JADE: jake you cant “sit this one out” by lying down in the middle of a dance floor  
JAKE: Watch me!  
JADE: oh my god you are so like my grandpa sometimes

Jade manages to drag Jake off the dancefloor and back to the table that Dirk and Dave are sitting at. They both grin widely at the Striders, their family resemblance just as pronounced as when Dirk and Dave respond to their smiles with tight, barely there ones. 

JADE: dave!!!  
JADE: dance with me!  
JADE: jakes tapping out like a LOSER  
DAVE: jade id love to honestly i would love nothing more  
DAVE: but i literally kill it on the dancefloor  
DAVE: actually and literally  
DAVE: and these little animal dudes of dubious autonomy just dont deserve to be massacred like that  
DAVE: they just dont deserve it  
DAVE: they provide a vital role in society on basically every level  
DAVE: from the public sector to the echelons of private enterprise  
DAVE: they are so fuckin susceptible to advertisement jade you have no idea its brilliant for getting them out there spending money  
DAVE: also theyre probably good people  
DAVE: i mean statistically theres an asshole or two in there  
DAVE: you know a real dick of a salamander who swears in church  
DAVE: a turtle who loiters  
DAVE: a nakodile who tricks innocent boys into cauldrons of soup  
DIRK: What now?  
DAVE: you know standard shitty behaviour not based on anything except for the tight neurons firing in my brain and certainly not prior experience  
DAVE: anyway  
DAVE: you catch me doing the sprinkler and thats it  
DAVE: carnage  
DAVE: i whip out the twist and a bomb would do less damage  
DAVE: you dont want to know what happens when i do the shopping cart  
DIRK: What’s the shopping cart?  
DAVE: oh you asked for it bro  
DAVE: jade would you accompany me to the dancefloor?  
JADE: i literally—!!!  
JADE: yes dave that would be lovely :D

Dave takes Jade’s hand and then drops it once they get on the dancefloor. He points between his eyes and Dirks with his fingers in a v to ensure Dirk’s attention. Given that the only other thing to look at is Jake, who fell asleep on the table at some point during Dave’s monologue, he has it. 

Dave wraps his hands around the handle of an imaginary shopping cart. He steps forwards, turning his head with the beat and popping his steps almost like he’s doing the shuffle. Then he reaches onto an imaginary shelf and mimes dropping something into the cart. He walks again, then grabs another item. He examines this one before putting it back on the shelf. Dirk is now struggling to keep a straight face, but Dave still looks perfectly impassive. Dave cups his hands around his mouth and calls out CLEARANCE, BRO, before extending his whole arm into the imaginary shelf and sweeping along it, pushing dozens of imaginary products into his cart. 

Dirk loses his shit, curling into himself and covering his face with his hands so that his laughs are at least somewhat hidden. When he composes himself and looks up again, Dave’s swing dancing with Jade at complete odds with the dubstep-ish music blaring in the club. 

Jake wakes up, having heard Dirk’s laughter and some kind part of his unconscious brain registering that a moment too precious to miss was occuring. 

JAKE: Hey.  
DIRK: Hey to you.  
DIRK: You clean passed out there, bro, how much have you had to drink?  
JAKE: Who can say!  
JAKE: Whats much more important is telling me whats got that smile on your dial.  
DIRK: Dave was dancing, it’s dumb.   
JAKE: Arent you just a twangie boy.  
DIRK: I’m guessing from your tone that that’s a compliment.   
JAKE: You should take me home go getter and ill show you a compliment. *Wonk.*

Jake attempts to give Dirk two pistols and a wink, but one of his hands is under the table and it clangs against it instead of rising smoothly.

JAKE: Fuck!  
DIRK: Yeah, you know what? Home sounds like a good idea.

Dirk carries Jake bridal style as he flies them home. Jake falls asleep on the way and doesn’t wake when Dirk puts him into bed. Well, he doesn’t show it if he does. Dirk presses a kiss to Jake’s forehead before he leaves for his own room. Boundaries. Gotta have ‘em. 

Dirk doesn’t spend all his time in Consort Kingdom, just like none of them spend all their time in one spot. He, Roxy and Callie spend a lot of time together, seeing as none of them drink. Rose joins them a lot too, also sober. Dirk doesn’t feel the _same_ idolisation for her that he does for Dave, but it’s close. Mostly because he can hear one of his favourite authors’ voices whenever she opens her mouth. It’s a hard thing to get used to.

ROSE: —though they’re not official moirails, for some very flimsy reason.   
ROXY: is it coz kans gay?  
ROSE: If that were it, surely she wouldn’t be attracted to him in a pale way to begin with. No, I think it’s because she considers her pale quadrant filled by me, and even though I feel comfortable sharing her with Karkat, she doesn’t.  
DIRK: But she’s looking after him right now.  
ROSE: Yes.   
DIRK: Damn, that’s actually romantic as hell.  
ROSE: I think so, but don’t let her hear you saying that.   
ROXY: cmon girly gimme the rest of the meteor goss!  
ROSE: I don’t know what you want me to tell you.  
ROSE: It was a pretty boring three years.  
ROSE: Dave once mumbled at me for an hour and a half because I asked him to go alchemise me a tampon.  
ROSE: That’s where I’m at with stories, Roxy. We’re _that close_ to running out.  
ROXY: le sigh  
ROSE: Why don’t you tell me some of your gossip?  
CALLIOPE: hands over ears, lovelies!

The four of them cover their ears and wait patiently for the parade of carapacians to pass. Given their inability to speak traditionally, they were pretty thrilled by Dave’s suggestion they kick it rave style with whistles. Now they are indeed kicking it, and it’s fucking loud.

The gaggle passes and the friends remove their hands.

ROXY: omg we had so much gossip rite dirk  
DIRK: Not really.  
ROXY: he only says that coz he WON  
DIRK: Not the Jakestakes story, please.  
ROXY: if u take that from me i dunno wat im supposed to talk about  
ROSE: What about the Roxy stakes?  
ROSE: The... Roxy moxy?  
ROXY: aw hon its sweet of u 2 try  
ROXY: my roxy stakes are rite here!

Roxy throws her arms around Callie and Dirk. They both lean into her good-naturedly. Dirk learned how to not stab her with his shades after the first time made him panic so hard that Roxy ended up being the one comforting him, ice held up to her forehead as she stroked his back.

ROXY: so dirks the one who got away becoz of the aforementioned jakestakes  
ROXY: also hes not into this  
ROXY: which  
ROXY: can u imagine?  
CALLIOPE: i can’t! ^u^  
ROXY: aww babes!  
ROXY: and callies the gal of my dreams u kno?

Callie looks at Roxy with absolute adoration. Rose smiles enigmatically. That’s her response to many things. Dirk decides to change the subject.

DIRK: English and I mostly just scoped out a lot of the tombs and caves, the kind of bogus levelling up nonsense we needed to do to get our hands on grist.  
ROXY: u have the sweetest pet names for each other  
DIRK: If you ever hear me call him “Sugar” or something, that’s the clone, shoot him.  
ROXY: that is so much more likely to actually happen with u  
DIRK: And I will emphasise again, shoot him.  
DIRK: My splinters suck ass.  
ROSE: Do they now?  
ROXY: lmfao  
ROXY: u gotta be careful w this 1, she caught davey in like a bazillion traps when we were hangin last week  
ROSE: Dave makes his own traps, I just call him on them.  
ROSE: He’s had three years of my eyebrows being weaponised against him and yet he still blunders through Dr Freud’s office with a handful of dicks and a heart tattoo with “mommy” on his shoulder.  
DIRK: What’s wrong with shoulder tats dedicated to your progenitor?  
ROSE: Show me yours immediately.

Roxy pulls up Dirk’s sleeve before he even has the opportunity to. He is perfectly happy to show his sweet ink to anyone who tangentially brings up the subject, but he’ll let Roxy contribute. He turns slightly to make it easier to see. Rose reaches out and touches cold fingers to the outline.

ROSE: This is clean for a homemade job.  
DIRK: Thank you.  
ROSE: I find you delightfully ridiculous.   
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: Thank you.

For a full month, the most peaceful time of the winners’ lives is Sunday dinner. The parties never seem to stop, the thumping of music a constant background. Just when Dirk thinks that he’s going to have to fly into the sun to escape it, it ends. 

Jake’s drinking doesn’t, not really. 

Dirk attempts to convince him to slow down a couple of times, but he’s so conscious of being controlling again that he doesn’t push too hard. And Jake does seem to be having fun. (So did Roxy, once.)

No, it’s not like Roxy. Roxy was drunk every single day. Drunk to the point of being unable to type properly, and Dirk’s seen her type in person, he can’t measure up to her speed on the keyboard. Jake just likes a fruity drink with dinner. And a couple after that.

Sometimes Dirk wonders if Jake has realised Dirk could never take advantage of him like that, and is looking for an out. Sometimes Dirk wonders if Jake _wants_ him to take advantage of him like that, if he’s wanting the courage and the lack of accountability. It’s a maddening train of thought with no conclusion, because if Jake means something by it, he’s not speaking up. And so life goes on. 

The first morning that Dirk doesn’t burn breakfast, he actually shouts out loud.

DIRK: Yatta!

Jake pokes his head around the corner, sees the plates of edible bacon and eggs in front of Dirk and the frying pan and spatula in Dirk’s hands and claps his hands to both sides of his face in a pantomime of surprise.

JAKE: I dont think i can even make fun of you for saying an animes thing im so proud!  
DIRK: It was Japanese, I just _happened_ to speak Japanese because I’m totally bilingual and—

Jake interrupts him by grabbing him by the waist and pulling him in for a kiss. Dirk _mmph!s_ against his mouth.

DIRK: Tea... gonna over-steep...

Jake continues to positively reinforce Dirk with little regard for the strength of his tea, or for the breakfast that will be considerably less delicious if he allows it to go cold. It’s not about eating the well cooked breakfast, it’s about showing his boyfriend some appreciation for getting it right.

Dirk holds his wrists at a somewhat awkward angle behind Jake’s back so that the pan is safely away from him. It’s very worth it. 

It’s pretty hard to fuck up breakfast, but a lifetime of not really giving a shit if his fish was burnt and incurable distractibility paired with sunglasses that contain the entire Internet in them has not prepared Dirk for the new reality of “burning is bad”. Back in the game, five months of eating alchemised food and shit from actual chests in tombs instead of cooking made his already negligible skills gather a bit of rust.

JAKE: Youre very pretty.

The pan is suddenly, _mysteriously_ heavy. Dirk wriggles out of Jake’s arms so he can put it in the sink and awkwardly shift attention away from the fact that he has no idea how to take a compliment.

DIRK: So, do I get to graduate to lunch now?  
DIRK: I mean, assuming that I’ve even managed to prepare breakfast properly, they might be aesthetically pleasing but still actually shit.   
JAKE: Maybe.  
JAKE: But i dont mind if im the cook in the household.  
DIRK: I appreciate the hell out of that, dude.  
DIRK: Especially because I think you’re gonna have to be if we have company or whatever.  
DIRK: I just want to get my division of labour on, you know?

Jake sits in his stool and starts to eat, nodding through a full mouth of egg. It’s not perfect, but he doesn’t have to attempt to hide his expression at eating burnt food, so it makes him smile. He doesn’t feel the need to let his breakfast get colder by replying to Dirk verbally.

DIRK: Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m having a great time _The Notebooking_ this motherfucker up.

He knows he could call it renovation, but he also wants Jake to like him as much as possible. 

DIRK: I just don’t want us to fall into these distinct lines, you know?  
DIRK: Where I’m the handyman and you’re the cook, I do the dishes and you garden. That’s a single point of failure, Jake.  
JAKE: Mmhmm!  
DIRK: If I was to get sick, you need to know where the dish-soap is. If you do, I can’t be making you sicker by giving you dank ass soup or whatever.

Jake swallows his last mouthful of breakfast and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. Dirk’s first forkful of bacon is still balanced on his fork.

JAKE: You could *buy* soup dirk.  
JAKE: Not that i dont want your soup!  
JAKE: But were not alone in the world anymore not even together-but-alone.  
JAKE: Dont get me wrong i love your ebullience and ill nag you into bringing your game to the kitchen.  
JAKE: You just dont need to plan for every blasted contingency anymore!  
DIRK: Right, I know that.   
DIRK: I’m relaxing.   
DIRK: Cooking can be a hobby.  
DIRK: Jake, stop looking at me like that.

Jake clears the plates away instead of looking at Dirk with gentle amusement. It’s just that Dirk’s always had projects, and relaxation isn’t really a thing someone can try hard at or put effort into. 

JAKE: If youre looking for something to do thats not sprucing up the joint mayhaps you could do something about the ol gang.   
JAKE: Jade was saying to me yesterday that since the raves stopped we only see everyone once a week and she wasnt too keen on the matter.  
JAKE: Of course when she tried to organise a whatsit no one was available but if anyone can finagle a few schedules...  
DIRK: Jade’s just too sweet on everyone, they don’t got jack dick to do, they’re just lazy.   
DIRK: I’m on it.

Jake smiles and kisses Dirk again. He knew Dirk just needed something to do.

JAKE: Thanks for breakfast stud.  
DIRK: Uh.  
DIRK: You’re welcome.

Dirk’s ears are still bright red when Jake heads out to the garden.   



	4. Chapter 4

Jade sits under a tree with Dave and Karkat. Her legs brush against Dave’s every so often as she moves with her speech, but Karkat’s on the other side of a picnic basket and too far away to touch casually. This may be by design, because Karkat learned to be wary of girls who could take him out with one punch when he still had six legs. 

KARKAT: ALL I’M SAYING IS THAT IT WASN’T YOU WHO ORGANISED THIS PICNIC.  
KARKAT: I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US WHEN I EXPRESS MY POLITE SURPRISE THAT IT WAS *DIRK*, BUT THE FACT THAT IT’S SURPRISING DOES NOT NEGATE THE FACT THAT HE STILL MANAGED IT AND YOU DON’T GET CREDIT HERE.  
JADE: im not asking for credit!!!!!  
JADE: i just said i was glad that jake enlisted dirks help organising my picnic  
KARKAT: YEAH, SEE, THAT.  
KARKAT: YOU DID IT AGAIN.  
KARKAT: “MY” PICNIC.  
KARKAT: DAVE, TELL HER SHE DID IT AGAIN.  
JADE: dont say anything dave!!!  
JADE: it IS my picnic!  
JADE: it was my idea its my basket and OH guess what!!!  
JADE: its my planet!!  
JADE: slamshot!!!!!!  
DAVE: (slamdunk)  
JADE: SHHHH!  
KARKAT: WELL IF YOU’RE GOING TO WHIP OUT THE WHOLE “RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR CREATION THING, THEN I GUESS YOU CAN SHOVE A TINED UTENSIL IN MY ASS BECAUSE I’M COOKED.  
JADE: yep!  
DAVE: (its a trap)  
KARKAT: OH WAIT!  
KARKAT: WHAT DO I HAVE HERE???  
KARKAT: IT’S THE MONETARY EXCHANGE DOCUMENTATION FOR YOUR WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE, IN WHICH YOU WERE BORN.  
KARKAT: AND IT SAYS WHAT? WHAT DOES IT SAY???  
KARKAT: YEAH, IT SAYS I MADE YOU, BITCH.  
KARKAT: ALL YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE NOW MINE, CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING ALLOWED TO SIT UNDER THE SAME TREE WITH SUCH A FUCKING SUCCESS.  
DAVE: (told you it was a trap)  
JADE: shut up dave!!

Dave is shut up not by Jade, but by a soccer ball to the back of the head. He puts his jostled shades back on before he even touches the back of his head. Karkat is on his feet and all spiked up immediately. 

KARKAT: WHICH ONE OF YOU DOUCHESQUATTING ASSLORDS DID THIS??

Both Dirk and Jake had been ready to point at each other, but in the face of _actual_ retribution, they simultaneously direct their fingers at themselves instead. Karkat double facepalms and sits back down.

DIRK: Sorry, man.  
DIRK: But could we actually grab that back?

Karkat goes to grab the ball, but Dave swipes it from under his sharp claws before any punishment can be meted out ballward. He is then faced with the unfortunate reality that the only sports he can play are swordfighting and _dodge-miscellaneous-objects-thrown-by-a-ninja_. He stands and bowls the ball underarm. It ends close enough to Dirk that he doesn’t want to die of sport-related shame.

DIRK: Did you want to play?  
DAVE: nah

It sounds convincing, like Dave’s just not in the mood for it, not as if he has zero competency and can’t even own it. If he sat down again, he could probably get away with it. But he hears the start of Jade telling Karkat that he’ll never make friends if he insults all of them and decides that actually, soccer doesn’t look so bad. 

DAVE: or yeah  
DAVE: yeah is what i meant  
DAVE: i cant believe im wearing skinny jeans

Dave maneuvers his way around the rocks that provided a very ineffective barrier between the picnic and the grass where Dirk and Jake are playing. Dirk’s smile is enough degrees brighter than usual that Jake tackles him to the ground in enthusiasm. Dirk wasn’t on his guard enough to do anything, and so promptly eats dirt.

DAVE: look im on record here as not knowing diddly about sports but im pretty sure theres no tackling in soccer  
DAVE: maybe tea breaks or something but not tackling  
DIRK: There’s tackling in just about any game English plays.  
JAKE: Its my secret move.

Jake taps the side of his nose and winks. Dirk remains trapped under his brawn, but his lungs aren’t under quite enough pressure to stop him from talking. With another couple, seeing one draped over the other might be awkward. There just doesn’t seem to be anything romantic in the way Jake has his elbow digging into Dirk’s shoulderblade.

DAVE: oh hey theres rose  
DAVE: im gonna go not get tackled over by rose  
DIRK: I respect this decision.

Dave jogs over to Rose and Kanaya. Rose puts a finger to her lips as they inch closer to the same tree Dave was escaping from.

DAVE: (what are we—)  
ROSE: (Karkat and Mr Crocker are interacting again.)

Dave shuts up obligingly. Karkat is entirely incapable of shouting at or insulting Mr Crocker, and is further socially hampered by the fact that he can’t _not_ answer Mr Crocker’s polite questions. Dave privately thinks that Mr Crocker is fully aware that Karkat’s awkwardness is entertaining as shit, because John and Jane had to get it from somewhere.

DAD: IT IS INDEED A BEAUTIFUL DAY.  
JADE: it really is!  
DAD: I BELIEVE YOU COULDN’T GO OUTSIDE DURING THE DAY ON YOUR HOME PLANET, KARKAT.  
KARKAT: that’s right, sir.

Dave covers his mouth with his hands to keep from laughing. 

DAD: DID YOU ATTEND PICNICS DURING THE NIGHT?  
DAD: OR PERHAPS INDOORS?  
KARKAT: if there were picnics happening on alternia, i didn’t know about them.  
KARKAT: though i was kind of a loner, so maybe they were happening all the, um, all the time.

KANAYA: (He Really Is Quite Good At Not Swearing When He Wants To Be)  
DAVE: (yeah itd be awesome if he would practice that at home sometimes)

JANE: Look, Dad! An ice cream van! How about we get everyone ice cream?  
JADE: do you want a couple of extra hands?

DAVE: aw man that was barely a conversation  
ROSE: On the plus side, ice cream.

They join Karkat and, as if by the kind of ice cream-detecting magic none of them has, everyone starts to gather together. Jake has a big smile and mud on his face, not as if he was pushed into the ground but as if the ground was pushed into him, especially considering Dirk’s dirty hands. John, Roxy and Callie appear as if from nowhere, which might not be figurative. Dave manages to snag his spot next to Karkat before it gets snapped up, prompting Rose to give him a knowing smile at his rushing into position. It doesn’t take long for Jade, Jane and Mr Crocker to return with ice cream. They are very well received.

DIRK: You guys are the real MVPs here.   
DAVE: what does that even stand for  
DAVE: like you hear it all the time but its probably nothing right  
DAVE: its just a thing people say  
DIRK: Dude, it’s from basketball.  
DIRK: Most valuable player.  
ROSE: I’m baffled that an iota of sports knowledge has somehow made its way into our gene pool.  
ROXY: aw hon its not that  
ROXY: dirkys not capable of using a word he doesnt kno u kno?  
DAVE: words dont have to mean shit haha  
DAVE: sometimes they’re just noises out of your talk hole  
JOHN: THAT certainly didn’t mean shit.   
JANE: You’re welcome.  
JANE: I’m just glad we could finally do this.  
JANE: How long has it been?  
ROXY: bb like 2 days  
JANE: No! Not counting Sunday dinners.  
ROXY: actually that wasnt even it coz we were missin a couple  
ROXY: eyes at rosey and kan  
KANAYA: The Mother Grub Has Woven Her First Cocoon  
KANAYA: I Shouldnt Even Be Here Now But Dirk Was Rather Persuasive  
DIRK: Oh yeah, Jake, you’re cool with being a model for Maryam sometime, right?  
JAKE: And how!  


Dirk gives Kanaya a thumbs up, in case that wasn’t clear. Kanaya smiles with satisfaction. 

DIRK: So, any other wild stories from the only two of us who are productively using their time?  
KANAYA: Most Of My Stories Involve Slime Of One Kind Or Another  
ROSE: Just because we have a fixed role doesn’t mean we’re the only ones occupying ourselves usefully.  
ROSE: I don’t believe for a second that you’re just on the couch all day.   
JAKE: Our dirk here is a bona fide embassador to the consort population.  
JAKE: What is it this week?  
JAKE: Nakodile boy scouts?  
DIRK: That’s an ongoing project.  
DIRK: It’s harder than I thought to train up some decent troop leaders.  
DIRK: Also their hands are just fucking useless at knots.   
DAD: I WAS A BOY SCOUT IN MY DAY.  
JOHN: same.  
JOHN: i can totally cook a can of baked beans in a campfire.  
JAKE: And there was the salamander choir?  
DIRK: Turtle choir.  
DIRK: I mean if a salamander wanted to join that’d be chill but it’s not exactly playing to their strengths.  
DIRK: Once the nakodiles can point a compass without losing their shit, I’m gonna see if salamanders have an affinity for art.  
JADE: surely theyve made social groups in the last 5000 years  
DIRK: Oh yeah, totally.  
DIRK: But a creator starts encouraging creative outlets and they all jump into the cause.  
DIRK: Recreation is important.  
DAVE: are you making “recreation” your full time job  
DIRK: It sounds dumb when you put it like that.  
DAVE: id hate to make nakodile boy scouts sound dumb  
DIRK: Apology fuckin’ accepted.  
DIRK: Can someone else talk about what they’re doing?  
DAVE: karkat didnt leave the house once last week  
KARKAT: WOW! RUDE!  
KARKAT: SHUT YOUR FUCKING SHRIEK-MAKER.  
DAVE: i only left once because i wanted a burger but i sure have the upper hand story wise  
KARKAT: I WILL BE TRACKING YOUR MOVEMENTS THIS WEEK AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE I WILL BE 1% MORE OUTGOING THAN YOU.  
DAVE: haha cool

Dave realises that he’s helping along the recent and scandalous rumours that he and Karkat are more than just bros. He abruptly rescinds the smile he had on, which was pretty faint to begin with, and stares expectantly at Callie, who he has determined to be the most likely to speak when prompted.

CALLIOPE: things are qUite UneventfUl in the carapace kingdom!  
CALLIOPE: theres a cafe qUite close to oUr home thats very sweet. ^u^  
ROXY: yah the dealy is that whoever feels like it just serves and shit  
ROXY: i straight up was BORN 2 be a waiter u have no idea  
ROXY: i wanna get an apron and rollerskates  
KANAYA: I Can Assist You With That  
ROXY: kan bb u r a blessing to this world i will owe u big times  
KANAYA: Well You Did Assist Me With The Small Matter Of Reviving My Species So Yeah I Think I Can Manage Wheeled Shoes  
JANE: But there are lots of trolls around without the need for the mother grub.  
KANAYA: Not To Speak Ill Of The Ectobiologically Conceived  
KANAYA: Which Describes Everyone Here With The Exception Of Mr Crocker  
KANAYA: But The Jades I Work With Are Very Much Looking Forward To Natural Reproduction  
KANAYA: Its A Somewhat Involved Conversation To Be Having When Frozen Sweet Dairy Confection Is Dripping Onto My Hand  
ROSE: Let’s put it this way: humans also have the freedom to choose ectobiological adoption, which would save them the inconvenience and pain that accompany a natural birth and some do. But the option is there.  
JANE: Yes, that makes perfect sense.  
JANE: I didn’t mean to be rude, or to negate Roxy’s contribution!  
JANE: Oh bother, I seem to have stuck my foot right in it.  
ROSE: Not at all.  
ROSE: It’s a reasonable question.

Dave quietly considers that Jane has a lot of reasonable questions. Things that he seems to instinctively get, she needs to know more about. Maybe it was where he lived before the end of the world and where she lived. Even with his limited excursions he was exposed to a kind of thinking that made troll issues feel like a displaced and often exaggerated version of what he was already seeing. 

But Rose had a fair few questions of her own, too. It’s something that brushes against some instinct of his, but it’s definitely not an unfamiliar feeling. It’s probably good that Jane asks people as knowledgeable and unbiased as Rose and Kanaya. Still, time to change the subject.

DAVE: yo so jade and karkat were watching the earth c equivalent of the bachelor a couple weeks ago  
DAVE: and i was there so i watched too and obviously then i had to watch the rest of the season  
DAVE: there was a downright atrocious rose ceremony last night  
KARKAT: OH, YOU ARE NOT WRONG.  
KARKAT: WE DON’T EVEN SHARE OPINIONS ON THE CONTESTANTS BUT I AM BACKING HIM UP ALL THE WAY ON THIS ONE.  
ROSE: Interesting choice in entertainment.  
DAVE: i hope youre not insinuating that im not the target audience or that i wouldnt be able to enjoy something for which i am not the target audience  
DAVE: the patriarchy is only moderately a thing here  
ROSE: I don’t mean for men in general, I meant for you specifically.  
ROSE: But yeah, you sure told me.  
ROSE: You’re intimidatingly secure in your choices.  
JANE: Did someone you like get booted off?  
DAVE: thank you jane yes she did  
DAVE: well not so much that because shes not my top choice im with kelhev the whole way right  
KARKAT: HE DOESN’T HAVE TASTE, IT CAN’T BE HELPED.  
DAVE: but the fact that mary got booted and fuckin ALAN is still on  
KARKAT: IT’S UNJUST, THAT’S WHAT IT IS.  
CALLIOPE: i saw this too.  
ROXY: she was fuckin pissed  
DIRK: What does that even look like?  
ROXY: she kinda gets frowny and for a sec i thought she might stomp her foot but then she didnt  
JANE: D’aw!  
CALLIOPE: he’s the worst!  
DAVE: thank you  
CALLIOPE: he has a catch phrase, i’m not being biased for no reason!  
ROXY: bb ur allowed 2 be biased 4 no reason  
ROXY: part of living in a society  
KARKAT: AND THE THING HE DOES WITH HIS TEETH.  
DAVE: YES

Dave’s neck colours as he realises how loudly he said that. He rubs at it with his hand, which does not magically cure him of his blush.

DAVE: so anyway now we have to put up with him for another week  
DAVE: and apparently voltak has terrible taste so its like  
DAVE: is it really worth watching who she chooses?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: I MEAN I’M STILL GOING TO WATCH IT.  
DAVE: oh same

There’s a long enough silence that is mostly filled by everyone realising they no longer have ice creams to look at when there’s a break in conversation. There’s a long enough silence that _John_ is the one to fill it.

JOHN: so has anyone heard from terezi?  
KARKAT: NO.  
DAVE: i keep finding “terezi waz here” carved into our house though  
KANAYA: She Sent Me A Snapchat Last Week But Said That Time Was Strange Out There  
DAVE: yeah she said the same to me not long after she left  
DAVE: itd been like a month for us and she was sending me a pic where she could still see earth c and was like oh yeah productive which like  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: but i dont think theres a conversion or anything on it not that she wanted to humour my time based curiosity  
JOHN: so we’re just not going to hear from her that much?  
ROSE: We’ll keep sending her things. Keep her included.  
JOHN: ugh.  
JOHN: she’s just so bad at snapchats, i’d almost prefer to hear her hideous voice.  
DAD: THAT’S NO WAY TO SPEAK ABOUT A YOUNG LADY.  
JOHN: she’s not a young lady, she’s a butt!

The majority of the group exchanges significant looks, long suspicious of the way John and Terezi talk to and about each other. The Crocklishbertley’s are not. (The matter of describing that family in a single word has met significant discussion in the group Snapchat. Dirk’s most recent suggestion of “those assholes” was not well received by those assholes.)

JOHN: whatever.  
JOHN: we haven’t been doing much in the human kingdom.  
JOHN: dad is teaching me how to make a chair.  
DAVE: dude you cant make chairs  
JOHN: yeah, dave. i know.   
JOHN: that’s why dad is teaching me.   
DAVE: no i mean  
DAVE: you cant be handy  
JOHN: i’m literally in the process of learning it.  
DAVE: im just not comfortable with you being competent  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW HE SAVED ALL OUR ASSES.  
DAVE: im not particularly comfortable with that either  
JOHN: i’m not particularly comfortable with your face!

Dave strongly considers that an invitation to a good old fashioned beat down, but unfortunately Mr Crocker pats John on the shoulder and all the mischief goes out of his face. 

JANE: I’ve been looking into taking a high school equivalency exam.   
JANE: I’ll need to study, obviously this version of history is quite different to our own.  
JANE: I can print off information if anyone would like me to!

Without giving even a moment to pause awkwardly, Jake excuses himself and Dirk from any conversation relating to education.

JAKE: Well we cant hang around beating our gums all day, right dirk mcgurk?  
DIRK: No, we can’t stay and chat, to rephrase.  
JAKE: Time to make tracks.  
DIRK: We’ll see y’all on Sunday.  
DIRK: Actually, not this Sunday, the turtles...  
DIRK: Next Sunday.

It doesn’t take long after that for everyone to disperse. They’ve been on Earth C for almost four months and this is the first time they’ve all been together on a day not mandated by Mr Crocker since they moved to their separate kingdoms. There hasn’t been a full house on Sunday in about a month and a half. The mandate no longer feels mandatory, and life goes on.   



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Striders and Lalondes get together and talk with every inch of pretension you might expect with the four of them unleashed on each other. They talk about their alternate selves, how they do (and will continue to) differ from the ones from each other's universes, and the weight of their celebrity.

Roxy makes a truly hellish noise with her mouth when Rose enters the room. It makes Rose freeze, catching herself in the act of turning around and walking right back out. But Roxy is her excitable friend, who she loves already and she can even almost admit she does, so she walks towards Dirk’s couch instead.

Jake has been whisked away with Jade, because today is a Derse dreamers only event. Or perhaps it’s the other way around, Dirk filling his house while Jake’s away. It was originally going to be a Strider only event, but Dave casually mentioned it three times in a week to Rose so she took the hint and invited herself along, which prompted Roxy to do the same. 

DAVE: i told you shes always late  
ROSE: I resent that.  
ROSE: But he’s right, I’m only on time when Kanaya makes me be on time.   
ROXY: omg i am so fuckin psyched for this  
ROXY: how hav we not all hung out exclusive stylez b4  
ROXY: that was stylez w a z just in case u missed it  
DIRK: No one missed it.  
DIRK: But I have to assume it’s because we all have aliens or English following us around.   
ROXY: aliens are p great tho  
ROSE: I’m a fan.  
DIRK: Okay before this gets weirdly sexual, which I can only imagine it will do with Mr Accidental Slip and Ms Flirts By Default, snacks?  
ROXY: omg this is so impressive  
DIRK: I know that you have snacks when you have guests, I’ve seen movies.   
DAVE: hell yes bring on the snacks  
DAVE: i have to imagine you mean doritos and orange soda  
DIRK: I don’t _not_ mean that.

Dirk leaves the room to gather food fit for a group of rad gamers, as is appropriate for the gathered company. Rose tucks her feet underneath her and gets settled on the couch she has all to herself.

DAVE: check this out  
DAVE: this guy feeds me all the time its so weird  
ROXY: hon u mentioned yr bro didnt  
ROXY: if u say u felt deprived of massages as a kid u bet yr sweet ass dirky would become an actual licensed masseuse   
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: hey rose could you maybe not diagnose my bro with over compensating disease or whatever psychological mumbo jumbo you have up your sleeve  
ROSE: That’s not the tack I would take with Dirk.  
DAVE: just out of curiosity what is the tack  
DAVE: and could you run it by me before he gets back  
ROSE: I think you’ll enjoy seeing it in action.  
DAVE: rose  
DAVE: rose  
DAVE: rose  
DAVE: rose  
ROXY: does this work?  
DAVE: rose  
ROSE: It hasn’t so far but he’s very hopeful.  
DAVE: rose  
DAVE: rose  
ROXY: omg ur gonna make ur teen momma actually crazy  
DAVE: sorry  
DAVE: could you tell her not to torture dirk please  
ROXY: shes not gonna torture him  
ROSE: If it makes you feel any better, it took about three minutes for me to determine that he’s a masochist, so I believe he’ll enjoy it.  
DIRK: Who’s enjoying what?  
DAVE: (oh god)

Dirk has actually put the doritos in a bowl and poured bright orange soda into glasses. He’s carrying a tray. He’s affecting a very casual stance as if he hosts gatherings every weekend. Or, more accurately, as if he is pretending very hard that he hosts gatherings every weekend. 

ROSE: I think you’ll enjoy being dragged over the psychological coals.   
DIRK: Oh, sure.  
DIRK: I made an AI to do that.  
DIRK: Or he seemed to think that was his purpose anyway.  
ROXY: aw i miss lil hal  
ROXY: he was always a sweetheart 2 me

Dirk makes no comment, instead focusing on arranging the snacks on the coffee table and taking his armchair again. His living room is big enough to comfortably fit at least four more people even if it’s atrociously decorated, so it was the obvious choice. Rose suspects Dirk prefers to be in control anyway. 

DIRK: So, coals.   
DIRK: Bring it on.   
ROSE: You warned him, didn’t you.  
DAVE: your fault for being predictable  
ROSE: I suppose you knew it was coming for years and it was never enough to fully guard against me.  
DAVE: rose i LET you get your claws in me  
ROXY: aw  
DAVE: no look  
DAVE: she  
ROSE: Go on.  
DAVE: you only talk about yourself when you feel like youve gotten enough licks in  
DAVE: if i wanted to pretend like everything was cool i had the sunshine twins  
DAVE: and you kept me sharp  
ROXY: aw

Rose shudders, physically uncomfortable with being the target of sincerity, especially in front of Dirk and Roxy. It actually isn’t a question of liking and trusting them, any audience would be too much. It’s been a while since she and Dave have had one of those honest and occasionally catty catchups. Dirk’s right, those aliens whose company they enjoy so much do tend to always be around.

ROSE: So, Dirk.  
ROSE: You mentioned your AI was antagonistic.  
DIRK: Yup.  
ROSE: This was the AI that was fused into Arquiusprite I assume, and therefore one of your alternate selves.  
DIRK: Yup.   
ROSE: Is that your self loathing manifested, then?   
DIRK: That absolutely was a component.  
DIRK: He also resented his lack of a body and the fact that I only really acknowledged him as a glorified answering machine.  
DIRK: We were actually something approaching friends and I never once failed to call him Auto-Responder until he asked me to call him Lil Hal.  
DAVE: it is WEIRD to see someone just give her everything  
ROXY: shush im watchin somethin

Dave passes Roxy the bowl of doritos and she takes some without ever taking her eyes off the verbal sparring taking place across the room. 

ROSE: Do you ever think about your other alternate selves?  
DIRK: All the goddamn time.   
DAVE: rose could you maybe do even a little bit of warmup youre going to pull a muscle  
ROSE: I do too. I’d like to open that question up to the group.  
ROXY: wat u mean like my sexy science lady momma self?  
ROSE: Don’t make me say yes to that.  
ROXY: sometimes i guess  
ROXY: idk mostly when im wonderin what kinda person ill be when im all grown up u kno?  
ROXY: omg not that our alt selves r any indication  
DIRK: It’s fine, Rox.  
DIRK: I actually think it’s a good thing I know about him.  
DIRK: It’s a guard. He was awful, but I don’t have to be.  
DIRK: Hell, it sounds like he was a fuckin’ loner.  
DIRK: I don’t just have to rely on myself to not be that much of an asshole, I have you guys.   
DAVE: yeah i promise you the resemblance is purely superficial  
DAVE: there could actually be a scale on giving a shit and youd be at opposite ends of the spectrum  
DIRK: And knowing you two has helped with that.  
DIRK: Don’t get me wrong, I can see how you could grow up to be like our guardians. But you’re also clearly not the same people.   
ROXY: yeah 4 real   
ROXY: and i got a check 2  
ROXY: i am *not* gonna end up a sexy drunk  
DIRK: More evidence in the “we can be better” pile.  
ROSE: I read my alternate self’s Complacency.  
ROXY: yeah?  
ROSE: It was interesting.   
ROSE: But I don’t think it’s the book I would have written.   
ROSE: I don’t think I want to write it again, not even to see what my version would look like.   
DAVE: fuckin same  
DAVE: dont get me wrong other dave was a genius and i still draw dumb comics sometimes  
DAVE: but i dont want to be the only one in on an inside joke  
DAVE: sounds lonely as shit  
ROSE: Even given the information Jade gave us regarding an inevitable journey towards an Ultimate Self, I am glad that I am me, first and foremost, though I look forward to understanding myself better.  
ROSE: Those trolls have been rather good to us.  
ROSE: It was a good call to ask Kanaya to marry me.

Roxy does a literal spit take. Dirk’s mouth falls open. Dave only looks moderately surprised, but then she did ask his opinion before she did it.

DAVE: is this seriously how youre telling people  
ROSE: We’re going to have a formal engagement party.  
DAVE: youre a drama queen  
ROXY: omg congrats!!!!!!  
DIRK: I think it’s “best wishes” to the bride.  
DIRK: Actually, that probably doesn’t work for gay couples.  
DIRK: Good job, anyway.  
ROSE: Thank you.  
ROXY: whens it happening do u kno?  
ROSE: We haven’t made any formal plans yet, no.  
ROXY: do u hav a ring?  
ROSE: Actually yes, we went shopping on our way home from the date so that I could have one as well.  
ROSE: We’re not going terribly traditional, but I wasn’t going to say no to jewelry. 

Rose holds out her left hand. Dave, closest to her, grabs her hand and holds it still so he can inspect it. He nods with approval, looking convincingly like he has opinions on rings and this passes his judgement. Then he passes her hand to Roxy, forcing Rose to get out of the couch or be dragged from it. 

ROXY: omg so pretty  
ROXY: heart eyes heart eyes x infinity  
ROXY: ur gonna just be the prettiest bride im tearin up just thinkin about it  
ROSE: Thanks, Roxy. 

Rose smiles appreciatively. The immediate acceptance of her family means more to her than she thought it would. Dirk moves next to Roxy instead of making Rose move again and looks at her hand too. He shakes his head a little to jostle his shades to the tip of his nose and peers over the top of them, reminding Rose of a librarian if a librarian had the worst taste in fashion she’d ever seen. She makes a mental note to get him a string of pearls to keep his shades around his neck for Christmas. 

DIRK: Damn, that’s actually adult shit, isn’t it.  
DAVE: for real you are showing us up  
DIRK: The rest of us are just doing dick all over here.  
ROSE: Don’t sell yourself short.  
ROSE: You have a turtle choir.  
DIRK: Yeah, laugh it up, they’re going to perform at your wedding.

An hour later, the four of them are sitting on the floor and competing for title of best gamer. They’ve somehow made their way back to philosophising about their alternate selves, by way of speculating about their guardians’ love lives. 

DIRK: I just have to imagine he was swimming in it.  
ROXY: both of u tbh  
ROSE: I refuse to speculate.  
DAVE: yeah im actually gonna side with rose on this one  
ROXY: lmao  
DAVE: look even thinking about roses mom in that way is too much i am not gonna ask myself if bro took lil cal with him on dates  
ROSE: Probably because we were in direct contact, it’s closer to home.  
ROSE: Your guardians were more like celebrities, right?  
DIRK: It’s not like we’re picturing anything.  
DIRK: My bro just always seemed to have someone under his arm. It’s a reasonable assumption.  
DIRK: Of course meeting you makes me wonder if he had any game whatsoever.

Roxy gasps and hits Dirk on the arm, but Dave and Rose both laugh, Dave more genuinely than he has all day. Dirk has a small, nervous smile. His gamble paid off, but he isn’t quite sure how to own it. He attempts to affect even more casualness than he’s already engineered into his posture, which translates to yet more awkwardness. 

DAVE: im sure if i was tearing up the world of cinema i would have swarms of beautiful people around me  
DAVE: but even so like  
DAVE: its weird how were still pretty much kids but the whole world thinks of us as  
DAVE: people who have it together  
DIRK: Very weird.  
DIRK: I can’t think of a group of people who have it less together, and I hang out with consorts all day.  
ROXY: i think thats racist  
DIRK: Shit, sorry.  
ROSE: It actually makes me think of how we view authority figures.  
ROSE: Gods, celebrities, parents...  
ROSE: Our idolisation deprives them of a degree of humanity.  
DIRK: Being a hero isn’t necessarily compatible with being a person.  
ROXY: i still thought of mom as a person  
ROXY: i thought about her feelings all the time  
DIRK: Yeah, well, you’re the most empathetic person I know.  
DAVE: is that it then  
DAVE: were heroes so we dont get to be people?  
ROSE: You’re still just an idiot to me.  
DAVE: gee thanks  
ROXY: of course we can have a normal life  
ROXY: were basically just celebs and they managed it  
DAVE: did they  
ROXY: and like rosey says we can lean on each other  
DIRK: How do we even have a meaningful life like this?  
DIRK: Any achievement, we’ll always wonder if it’s because our story is attached to it.  
ROSE: Pseudonyms are a thing.  
ROSE: And achievements don’t have to be a matter of external validation.  
DAVE: were getting philosophical again arent we  
DIRK: You bet we are.   
DIRK: How’s this one: what makes a person “good”.

Rose smiles. Getting to know Roxy might be the best gift Sburb could have given her, but it is a genuine delight to have found Dirk as well. She never realised she could have a family like this.  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and Jake take a very important step in their relationship. The sex step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the places where the fic earns the mature rating. It's not explicit, it skips over the Details, but it's still there.

Jake frowns at his wardrobe. For almost a year, Dirk has been a perfect gentleman to him. Longer, actually, if he takes into account the months spent in their lifeless session, which he’s never sure if he should be counting. Jake appreciates it, because he’s never been entirely sure where he sits in relation to various amorous activities, but it’s been long enough that it’s _time._

What they have done has felt good, Dirk’s a handsome chap, and Jake is fairly sure that if he lets this drag on for another year then he won’t ever get the courage to do it. He’s been talking with Jade, who thinks that the movies exaggerate the importance of sex and that Jake’s internalised that whole perspective. She had a lot of sensible things to say about biology and emotional bonding and the idea of purity. The thing that has actually stuck with Jake though, is her advice to not put pressure on himself and just do what feels good for him, no matter if that means acting or waiting. 

The problem is that he’s made a few passes at Dirk, but the stubborn, noble dolt won’t give him anything more than kisses if he’s had so much as a sip of wine. The few times they’ve escalated to a bit of petting and patting have therefore been during the day, which isn’t when one loses his virginity in Jake’s opinion. But without a scooch of liquid pluck, Jake doesn’t think he has it in him to initiate the old bippy ruckus. 

So he’s examining his clothing and accoutrements for something tantalising enough that he won’t have to do much more than indicate his enthusiasm for continued liaison. 

He chooses a pair of shorter shorts than usual, sheepishly testing the zipper for ease of access, and a shirt that he probably should have thrown out as it doesn’t quite fit. A sliver of belly shows once he pulls it on and it wraps tight around his biceps. 

But the physical discomfort makes him feel emotionally uncomfortable. He feels like a tart, and he doesn’t think he should feel like that going into this. He strips off quickly and puts on his favourite clothes instead. As he looks in the mirror at the copious pockets in his shorts, he reflects that Dirk was attracted to him even when he was only words on a screen. 

The day goes so slowly, time itself conspiring to give Jake more than enough time to back out when he’s only just made his decision. But eventually their dinner has been cleared away and they’re cuddled up and watching a movie.

Jake’s going to do the classic makeout during the movie play. Or that’s the plan. Unfortunately, it’s a very good movie, so he gets rather caught up watching it. So caught up that he spends another half hour talking about it before he remembers his plan.

JAKE: And the bit with the swordfight!  
JAKE: That must have jiggled your jollies strider.  
DIRK: Easily the best part.  
DIRK: The zero-g element was dubiously realistic, but it was worth it.  
JAKE: Oh no that could never have happened in real life.  
JAKE: The ship would have been using rotational gravity in a room that vast.  
JAKE: Movie magic at its best though!  
DIRK: It doesn’t bother you, knowing how it would work?  
JAKE: Maybe the movie took place in an alternate universe where extended weightlessness wasnt terrible for all your bits and bobs!  
JAKE: Or maybe they just didnt do their research at all but thats kosher with me too.  
JAKE: They wouldnt have been able to maneuver as well in centrifugal gravity for a good swordfight anyway at least this was dramatic.  
DIRK: It’s okay so long as it makes for a good story, huh.  
JAKE: Correctomundo.  
DIRK: Tell me more about the physics of space travel, baby.

Jake hesitates, assessing his readiness one last time. Dirk always looks very pretty when he’s relaxed, and they’ve had a nice night. He feels nervous, but it’s a good kind. 

JAKE: I could...  
JAKE: Or you could come up to my boudoir.  
JAKE: You know...  
JAKE: For a bit of barneymugging.

Dirk’s shades glow dimly as he finds a translation. He clears his throat and then swallows when he gets his result. Jake tries not to squirm. He’s not going to pretend he’s going off a different meaning this time, he wants to be straight-forward with his intentions. Like James Bond. 

DIRK: Uh.  
JAKE: If you dont want to...  
DIRK: NO!  
DIRK: I mean.  
DIRK: I was just a bit taken aback, I’m not remotely opposed.  
DIRK: Wow, I didn’t phrase that right.  
DIRK: Can I start over?  
JAKE: Okay.  
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: I would love to come to your bedroom with you. 

Jake smiles and takes Dirk’s hand in his. Dirk takes it back from him for a second, wipes the sweat on his jeans and then locks their fingers together again with a shy smile. Jake leads the way, with Dirk right on his heels. Dirk is calculating the chances of Jake’s using his slang wrong and comes to the conclusion as Jake closes his bedroom door and looks significantly at the bed that regardless of the degree of sexual activity he meant, he’s at least going to get to make out with him and that’s a fantastic worst case scenario.

JAKE: Shall we get to the nuddies then?

Okay, maybe a bit more than that. 

Dirk was raised by the Internet and, out of a crippling need to never have the back foot when talking to his teenage friends, knows a lot of terms for a lot of different acts and has seen a fair number too, but his “education” doesn’t count for shit when it comes to real experience. As much as every inch of his 17 year-old body is screaming at him to yes, strip off and let his sexy boyfriend do literally anything he wants to him, he’s also still a virgin. And, surprisingly, a bit nervous. 

DIRK: Not to come off as anything other than completely chill, but could we maybe kiss a bit first?  
JAKE: Oh good plan.

Jake takes Dirk’s hand again and pulls him to the bed. They both sit on the edge and look at each other. After a moment, Dirk takes his shades off and flicks them into his sylladex with a murmured word. Jake smiles to see Dirk’s bare face. Dirk smiles to see Jake smiling. 

Dirk’s heart stumbles in its already unstable pace when Jake’s eyes drop to his lips, broadcasting his intention a second before he leans in and kisses him. Jake squeezes Dirk’s hand affectionately and makes a quiet pleased noise when Dirk takes a hold of him more firmly. 

They shuffle deeper onto the bed without stopping kissing for longer than a breath, limbs awkward with the way their attention is so much more diverted by each other. Jake pulls at Dirk’s bicep just enough to indicate that he should get on top of him immediately and Dirk does, leaning heavily on one forearm so he can reach under Jake’s shirt while they kiss. 

JAKE: We could have already disposed of these.

Jake tugs at Dirk’s shirt to illustrate his point. Dirk laughs and sits up to strip his shirt off, throwing it aside carelessly before helping Jake get his off too. 

DIRK: Sorted.  
DIRK: And I feel a lot less self conscious now that my brain really only cares about kissing you more.  
JAKE: And your plan for getting at my dingwallace when youre between my pipes?  
DIRK: Think about it when we get to it?

Jake smiles and eyes Dirk up just a bit before pulling him back down. They’ve gotten about this far in the past, but not much further. Jake wonders if Dirk isn’t worried about the pants because he thinks this is another time where they’ll stop. The more they kiss and touch, the more certain Jake becomes.

It feels _really_ good. And Jade was right, Jake had been holding back out of some cinematic ideal of a first time, but what could be more perfect than every single day he has with his gorgeous partner? It’s easy to let it continue, to struggle out of the rest of their clothes and to come together. 

And it is perfect. Even with shaking hands and uncertain movements and the extensive foreplay leading to a somewhat brief main event.

They lie together and catch their breath, on their backs and holding hands because it’s too hot to be in more contact than that.

DIRK: I love you.

It’s out before he can help it, brain hazy as he comes down and it’s so overwhelmingly true, especially in this moment. It’s not the sex, though he’s feeling pretty fucking excellent about that, it’s the shared vulnerability and the fact that he’s been holding the words in since before he even saw Jake in person.

DIRK: Sorry, I   
DIRK: That kind of slipped out.  
DIRK: Don’t feel obligated to...

Jake wants to say it back. Not because he’s sure he feels the same, but because that’s what you do. Dirk’s reassurance that he doesn’t have to makes him feel so relieved that he knows that he would be lying if he did say it.

JAKE: Youre my best friend.  
DIRK: You’re mine too, bro.  
JAKE: You know i care about you.  
DIRK: Of course I do.  
DIRK: Hey.

Dirk tugs on Jake’s hand and pulls him in for a gentle kiss. Jake feels even more relieved about an excuse to not be talking. He has not been using this whole sex thing to its full advantage.

DIRK: I’m not taking it back or anything, but I didn’t mean to say that out of nowhere.  
DIRK: It’s okay to not be there yet, I know it’s special to you.  
JAKE: Is it not special to you?  
DIRK: Yeah, I’m not just tossing words out I don’t mean.  
DIRK: _This_ was special.

Dirk makes a gesture that encompasses their still naked bodies. The fact that Jake hasn’t immediately gone Hollywood and tucked the sheets up to his armpits (or perhaps strategically over his hips) means something to Dirk even if it isn’t a conscious choice. It’s harder to be naked casually than in the moment.

And it doesn’t matter how well acquainted he is with the Internet, he’s never seen this. Casual intimacy with no expectation and no shame at all. He might be in awe of Jake’s body, but like this he isn’t even worried about measuring up like he was before. No matter what words have or haven’t been said, he knows that Jake likes how he looks and feels. For once, he felt on the same page. No guessing past old timey slang or averted eyes. 

DIRK: I know in the past I’ve been overbearing and I’m trying not to be.  
DIRK: Sorry, I’m not trying to say every single afterglowing destroying thought anyone’s ever had.   
JAKE: I know youve been giving that a red hot crack and i appreciate it.  
JAKE: While were having a bit of a beat session about it all i should probably say that youve been something approaching ataraxic!  
JAKE: I didnt feel even a bit pressured. I had fun.  
DIRK: Same.  
JAKE: Okay well then thats that!  
DIRK: Do you want me to give you your bed back?  
JAKE: Will you stay the night?

The relief Dirk feels is tangible. It makes it easy to change the topic to something lighter, to get Jake talking about the movie from earlier and all his other favourite space movies in comparison. 

Jake feels his own kind of relief. He knew he was being silly, but a part of him wondered if Dirk would still want him once he got that particular prize. But Dirk seems more devoted than ever, and, though Jake doesn’t have any kind of experience to base it off, he thinks it was good. He thinks _he_ was good. 

It was just physical, he didn’t have to think about all the complicated ways people interact, he could see with almost ridiculous clarity the effect every touch had on Dirk. It wasn’t work, not like talking where he just always seems to make a dick of himself. Dirk couldn’t have lied to him if it had even occurred to him, and it was so simple. They just made each other feel nice. No other layers. Better than booze for making the doubts go away!

Not doubts as in _Dirk_ doubts. Dirk has the occasional moments where he still takes control and the even more moments where Jake sees him making himself _not_ do that, which only makes Jake feel like he’s doing something wrong and can’t even see it, but they have a lot more good times. Sometimes Dirk needs to be assured that Jake wants him around and other times he has to be told to give him a break, but Jake usually _does_ want him around. And Dirk keeps himself pretty busy anyway!

It’s not like during the game when they couldn’t escape each other. They each have things to do and other people to hang out with, people who also aren’t trapped with them. Those are the doubts Jake’s contemplating, the ones where he’s not sure if he’s doing society right.

He says dumb things, doesn’t dress right, gets confused and overwhelmed when more than one person is talking. Even when it’s just Dirk he worries he’s probably fucking up in that regard too. It’s nice to have done something right.

JAKE: Do you want to do it again?  
DIRK: Dear GOD, yes.  



	7. Chapter 7

The ballroom is beautiful, the ceilings vaulted and a full wall of arched windows letting in the late afternoon light so that the subtle texture of the wallpaper is on best display. Dave traces his finger over the bump of a delicate daffodil and whistles lowly. Rose is more interested in the table of confections, having fully examined the savory table already. She takes a tiny cupcake from a tiered cake stand and fits the whole thing in her mouth. It is, of course, delicious.

DAVE: these are some sweet digs  
DAVE: are we two for oneing this deal and scoping out options for your wedding because we should be  
DAVE: this is the prettiest goddamn room i have ever been in  
ROSE: No, we’re going ahead with the outdoor plan.  
ROSE: The reception will be under a marquee to keep the elements out, and we’ll hire a catering company.   
ROSE: Actually, I might ask if that’s a service they offer here. Have you tried this?

Dave gives Rose a sardonic look. They entered at the same time and he’s been too busy fondling the architecture to sample the food. He slouches over now, though, and picks up a mini quiche. Everything seems to be much smaller than he expected. He can respect that. It makes him feel like a fancy giant. 

DAVE: damn  
DAVE: this quiche is so good *i* might get married here  
ROSE: Mazel tov.  
DAVE: hey speaking of  
DAVE: did you decide to go with the religious angle  
ROSE: Not in _every_ way, but yeah, a bit.  
ROSE: Mom had a more extensive library of Jewish texts than I thought, so I’ve been going through them.   
DAVE: i always thought youd be saying praise fluthlu on your wedding day  
ROSE: I thought I’d play this one day sincere. 

Dave nods his respect. He gets down to business filling a plate with goodies, scoping out Rose’s choices to make sure he’s not going to miss out on anything because of greedy sister reasons.

ROSE: You know, part of the reason we’re doing this is because I’m sick of thinking about my wedding at literally all moments of the day.  
DAVE: i know and i respect that  
DAVE: but come on rose these are some tight delicacies  
ROSE: Yeah, that’s a freebie.   
ROSE: This very colourful drink isn’t alcoholic, is it?  
DAVE: nah i asked for some stupid fancy mocktails  
ROSE: You’re the best.  
DAVE: and dont you forget it

They both take their treats into the centre of the vast room, where two _very_ fashionable beanbags have been arranged next to a low table, presumably for their plates. Rose falls into one, which is the only way to enter a beanbag, and smooths out her pyjama pants with great dignity. Dave joins her with considerably less concern for the presentation of his, which are eye-searing enough that he’s endured multiple enquiries as to how the fuck he’s able to sleep in them. His defence that he sleeps under the covers is undermined entirely by his choice in bedsheets.

DAVE: is this gonna be a thing then  
DAVE: something we just do sometimes  
DAVE: rent out a place that makes me feel like i should be wearing a suit even when making the booking online and talk shit in sleepwear  
ROSE: It’s not as if I don’t treasure our current communication.  
ROSE: I can never have too many snapchats of Karkat’s feet, obviously.  
ROSE: But it’s been so long since we’ve had actual time alone, with no one interrupting us just as we’re about to put down our verbal bullshit for two fucking seconds and actually talk.   
DAVE: yeah i agree i was totally on board for this  
DAVE: im just wondering how frequently i should be clearing out my schedule you know  
ROSE: What schedule?  
DAVE: fucking burn  
DAVE: alright ms occupation what have you been doing with yourself thats so all consuming that you cant check in on your poor socially stunted brother  
ROSE: You know I’ve been busy in the caverns.  
DAVE: i know KANAYA has been busy in the caverns  
DAVE: i dont for a second believe that youve been traipsing through butt slime and egg mucus to cuddle up with a bunch of alien bugs  
DAVE: hey what do you think of wigglers btw  
ROSE: What?  
DAVE: you know  
DAVE: do you think theyre gross or kinda cute  
ROSE: . . .  
ROSE: They’re a bit of both, actually.  
ROSE: Like pugs.  
DAVE: okay yeah i see it  
DAVE: do their feet not freak you out a little though  
ROSE: Their really soft underbelly worries me more. I’m paranoid that I’ll stab one with a knitting needle one day.  
DAVE: what the fuck are you doing knitting down there  
DAVE: youre not knitting the wigglers booties or whatever are you  
DAVE: rose if youre knitting the wigglers booties i will find a mental asylum on this planet and when they hear that they wont even have any further questions theyll just admit you  
ROSE: I’m not knitting wiggler booties.  
ROSE: The truth is, I don’t have a lot of practical use to offer.  
DAVE: im so fuckin shocked right now  
ROSE: But Kanaya values my company, so we talk. But just sitting close to her and talking was making my fidgety. So, knitting.   
ROSE: I’ve practically made a uniform for the jades.  
DAVE: weve got to get you a hobby  
ROSE: Knitting _is_ my hobby.  
ROSE: I started it because of John presenting me with a knitting starter kit and saying exactly the same thing.  
ROSE: Which, by the way, I like as much from you as I did from him.  
ROSE: You condescending shit.  
DAVE: seriously though doesnt it drive you insane  
DAVE: like i know your hands are busy but you could knit little woolen replicas of all this food here without a pattern  
DAVE: and youd barely have to look  
DAVE: how can that occupy your mind  
ROSE: It doesn’t, that’s the point.  
ROSE: It makes silences comfortable, which is nice when I’m keeping Kanaya company and we’re only sometimes talking.  
ROSE: Or I let my mind wander. 

Dave throws a mini lemon tart into the air and _almost_ catches it. He gets it on the rebound. The rebound being him awkwardly shuffling it off his cheek into his mouth. It involves a lot of tongue. He winks outrageously at Rose without a shred of shame. She gives him a condescending smile, thankfully well practiced at not laughing when Dave’s being funny. She can’t _encourage_ him. Of course, he knows that she’s utilising her poker face and whatever his other insecurities, is confident that he excels in food based humour.

DAVE: okay sweet cheeks  
ROSE: Do you hear yourself?  
DAVE: lets get our wander on  
DAVE: mind styles

Rose doesn’t laugh at that either, but Dave takes a victory mini samosa anyway. It does not go great with the tart.

ROSE: What are you even saying?  
DAVE: dude its been forever since we got took a random topic and just sucked every last drop out of it  
DAVE: im talking raspy straw noises  
DAVE: juice box going concave  
DAVE: tippin it upside down slappin the side theres no more drops damn girl stop wringin  
ROSE: I’m listening.  
DAVE: no i need you TALKING  
DAVE: look ill start you off  
DAVE: so i got into this conversation on this gardening forum  
ROSE: ...  
DAVE: you grew up with me you know its fun to go on random forums and pretend to be an expert and or a novice and or that youre the worlds biggest fan of petunias  
DAVE: anyway im there just waving my pom poms on behalf of petunias  
DAVE: and this fella starts playing MY game  
ROSE: Oh?  
DAVE: he asks if im sexually attracted to petunias  
DAVE: i evade the question juuuust ridiculously enough so that everyone thinks woah that guy is too defensive to not be sexually attracted to petunias  
DAVE: then the guy says he was only asking because HE has a thing for rhododendrons  
ROSE: Ah, that game.  
DAVE: right so heres the options  
DAVE: most obvious is that he was attempting to fuck with me  
DAVE: second is that he really does have a boner for plants  
DAVE: third is that he thinks he has a boner for plants but actually hes displacing his thing for his mom  
ROSE: You astound me.  
DAVE: thanks  
DAVE: cmon rose get your claws into that  
DAVE: i know you youre like a fuckin master gardener when it comes to psychoanalytic mazes  
DAVE: those hedges dont know whats coming  
DAVE: the answer is you and you have a chainsaw  
DAVE: wait this isnt as funny when you have a fiancee who gardens with chainsaws  
DAVE: hey do they have plants down in the caverns  
ROSE: They do not.   
DAVE: rose tell me if you think plant gay is a thing or ill smoosh pastry on your fancy jammies  
ROSE: Of course someone could be attracted to plants.  
ROSE: I believe it would fall under the banner of objectophilia, but there may be a more specific word for it.  
ROSE: Semi-sentient plants have been involved in literature for longer than you might think, which could become associated with real plants, either unintentionally or in pursuit of additional excitement.  
ROSE: But let’s go back to this Freudian displacement theory of yours.   
ROSE: The fact that your mind went there, specifically in regards to this probably fictional online stranger’s mom says a lot about your own mental state.  
ROSE: How _is_ Roxy these days?  
DAVE: i hate you  
DAVE: you made it weird  
ROSE: Says the one who asked his sister about plant fetishes.

Dave sinks a bit deeper into his beanbag. Rose smiles with satisfaction, and suddenly comes to an unwelcome realisation.

ROSE: Oh my god, it’s been ages since I did that.  
DAVE: what made me uncomfortable  
DAVE: cause i promise you it has not  
ROSE: No, since I outright _attacked_ someone.  
DAVE: that cant be true  
DAVE: you made me embarrassed like last week  
ROSE: How was you walking into a streetlamp my fault?  
DAVE: you witnessed it

Rose stares up at the ceiling in distraction and Dave feels antsy at the prospect of more than five seconds without them talking.

DAVE: why has not attacking people got you all pensive?  
ROSE: I think the last time was when we spent the afternoon at Dirk’s house, and I’m not even sure if that counts.  
ROSE: Is it really hunting if your prey paints the big red X on the ground and gives you the thumbs up as you prepare the anvil?  
ROSE: Am I becoming soft?  
DAVE: yeah soft as a beehive full of forks

Rose doesn’t answer. She’s too busy thinking about how she overheard Kanaya’s right-hand jade telling her moirail that Kanaya’s wife sure is a nice dame. _Nice._ That’s the first descriptor people have for her these days.

Dave watches Rose’s expression with hard-won expertise. He’s much more uncomfortable with the idea of her being even a little bit upset than he is with silence, so he goes all in on the distraction.

DAVE: im gay

Rose’s attention jerks back to him like her bra strap the one time he snapped it before he learned that she would kick his ass for snapping her bra strap. He takes an obnoxious sip of his mocktail, knowing he’s not fooling her at all.

ROSE: Um.  
DAVE: what seriously  
DAVE: you got nothing?  
ROSE: No, I do.  
ROSE: Give me a minute.  
DAVE: take your time

Rose attempts to sit up straighter in her beanbag. She succeeds in making a loud rustling noise and flailing around a bit. This was an excellent choice in venue. 

ROSE: So, firstly, I love and accept you.  
DAVE: yeah i wasnt so worried about that funnily enough  
DAVE: given that youre the most lesbian lesbian who ever lesbianed  
ROSE: Am I?  
DAVE: you know what i have no idea  
DAVE: and actually i was lying i was a bit worried  
ROSE: Dave, I understand that we allow our affections to remain unsaid, and I won’t breach that protocol now.  
DAVE: i wouldnt hate it if you did  
ROSE: That’s sweet of you to say, but let’s not get carried away.  
ROSE: When you say you’re gay...  
DAVE: obviously i mean i have some boy related feelings lets not put me in any boxes or whatever  
DAVE: i already asked on the gardening forum bi people are allowed to call themselves gay if its funnier or easier  
DAVE: or if they just want to  
ROSE: Not that it makes a difference to my support, obviously.  
DAVE: rose its cool i didnt expect you to not be curious  
ROSE: And you don’t have any other revelations?  
DAVE: what im gay isnt enough for you?  
ROSE: Perhaps something or someone brought this realisation on?  
ROSE: Maybe you’ve even acted upon it?  
DAVE: pretty sure in retrospect i was way too into orlando bloom  
ROSE: That’s not exactly what I meant.  
DAVE: im not following  
ROSE: How’s things with Karkat? Does he know?  
DAVE: oh yeah  
DAVE: i told him a little while back  
DAVE: we had a jam about societal expectations  
DAVE: hes got some hangups too but you can be aquadrantal here like they have a name for it and everything  
DAVE: hes a good bro  
ROSE: He sure is.  
ROSE: Am I the first person to know apart from him?  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: i kinda told dirk first  
DAVE: or i talked to him in such a way that it was really clear that that was what i was saying and hes been cool enough to not bring up the fact that i never actually took his advice on decloseting myself  
DAVE: haha that door is staying CLOSED  
DAVE: this doesnt count  
DAVE: i mean if i proceed at this rate and just tell one person every six months itll only be a few years until im out to everyone and then im thinking i take an extra couple years just to make sure its not a phase  
DAVE: is it really that gay to like orlando bloom i mean hes pretty feminine  
DAVE: his eyes are just very captivating you know  
DAVE: or do you not know  
ROSE: I’m not disagreeing with you about Orlando Bloom.   
ROSE: I take it that you want me to keep this to myself.  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: in six months i can tell kanaya and then you wont have to have that secret putting undue pressure on your marriage  
ROSE: Somehow I think we’ll persevere.  
DAVE: yeah you guys are solid  
DAVE: im gonna

He points back at the tables of food. It takes him at least a full minute to get to standing, and he only manages it in the end because he remembers he can fly. Rose hands him her plate too and he leaves to resupply them both.

He’d been meaning to tell her anyway. Had actually thought that today would be a good time, seeing as they were scheduling a day of catching up on a more-than-superficial level. It’s not something he thinks about every day, because he’d probably go insane if it was, but every so often he does and it’s awful. Sometimes he’ll catch himself watching a movie he saw as a kid, find an actor attractive and realise he did when he was younger as well and it’ll mess him up. Other times he thinks he’s making it up and he’s just noticing that beautiful people exist, and everyone feels this way. Is he just shedding the toxic masculinity that prohibited seeing that? 

Rose smiles when he brings the food back. She doesn’t want to push him too hard, but she doesn’t know how not to. She doesn’t know how to talk around the fact that everyone already thinks that Dave’s gay, thinks he’s been with Karkat for years. She knew that they weren’t really seeing each other, but she’s wondered about it countless times. She walked in on them cuddling up during movies multiple times on the meteor, but Dave was learning how to be affectionate, she wasn’t about to diagnose hugging as a sexuality based act and ruin his progress. 

Really, all she can do is the same thing she’s been doing. She can avoid the subject until he brings it up himself.

ROSE: So, last week the mother grub nearly ate one of the new jades.  
DAVE: excuse me why am i only hearing about this now  
ROSE: Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But the jade’s head did end up in the mother grub’s mouth.  
DAVE: i am so glad i have a mini popcorn cup right now  
DAVE: i know theres only three pieces in here but its the principle of the thing  
ROSE: Well, you know that the mother grub is currently in her teething stage... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been publishing these every week, but I'm going to take a week off in between this work and the next in the series. Expect _Year Two_ on the 9th of June!


End file.
